Revision

My paper that has undergone the most revision is my first paper-Baseball and the Bear Jew. In my first draft, I created an intro that simply gave a summary of the history of baseball to try and welcome the topic. This intro ended up being very boring and did not engage the reader as I hoped that it would. The end of this paragraph originally read:

The revival of baseball proved that the sport was far more than a method of entertainment-the sport was a symbol of America. Baseball reflected some of the true values of America such as hope, restoration, and freedom. The spirit of of the sport has carried throughout the years and still serves as a representation of what America stands for and the means that its people will go to in order to protect what is rightfully theirs.

In order to engage the reader from the first sentence, I chose to throw him straight into the action and create a narrative that summarize the subject of my paper-the story of the Bear Jew.

After recreating my intro, I found myself focusing more on the “spirit of America” than the bat and the Bear Jew. This was a very abstract idea that I think may have taken the paper a little too far away from where I wanted my focus to be. In order to fix this, I rearranged some sentences so that the emphasis would be placed more on how the Bear Jew is falling back on his Jewish heritage to be the source of his revenge against the Germans.

A common problem in this paper in particular was that I had a lot of trouble with staying in the proper tense. I would use present tense when the paper dealt with the meaning of something, but would switch back to past tense if I was discussing something specific that happened in the movie. By going back and making sure that I was remaining in present tense, I made the paper much more fluid and easier for the reader to enjoy.

My writing has changed dramatically over the semester, and the ability that I have developed most is probably my ability to analyze. I still struggle with sentence structure and the most effective way to get my thoughts across, but I have acquired the ability to recognize subtext in a film and connect parts that are not clearly stated. Prior to this class, I found myself simply watching movies for the entertainment of them, but my interest was peaked when we began watching movies in class and I was able to pull out subtle connections that gave the movie so much more depth and clarity.

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